One of my best friends once asked me why I loved Misha Collins, because he didn’t understand. He asked me, how could I love someone so ardently that I didn’t even personally know nor had ever met? And it was hard to come up with an answer I knew he’d easily accept when he was already ambivalent, but I gave him the one that felt the most true anyway: “Because he’s amazing,” I answered simply.
It didn’t feel like enough of an answer, but it was the only one I could think of quickly at the time. Thinking back though, I think I almost got it right. Because it true, I love Misha Collins because he’s amazing, but I realise now I forgot to tell my friend what I meant by that—I forgot to tell him why.
This is why.
I love Misha Collins because if I could be half as accomplished and hardworking and kind and giving as Misha is I would count my life as well lived. Because he’s a living reminder of the good we can achieve if we positively engage communities—either online ones or out-in-the-world—and he’s a reminder that something can start small but grow to be much bigger than one person, but that those big things could never exist without the drive and creativity of people that contribute to it.
I love Misha Collins because despite his faults and his missteps, he reminds me that there is generosity in the world, and because he reminds me that we all have the capacity for it.
I love Misha Collins because he reminds me of people I know. Because he reminds me of my father, and because he reminds me of my brother, because he reminds me of people I already love and reminds me why I love them, and that makes me love them more.
I love Misha Collins because seeing him mentioned on blogs I frequented was what first enticed me to watch Supernatural, and the importance of that to me cannot be overstated. Because despite the frustrating whirlwind of an experience loving something like Supernatural can be, it’s still amazing to me.
Because of Supernatural I found friends I never would have otherwise, I started writing again like I never would have otherwise, and I fell in love with a character I never would have otherwise.
I love Misha because he brought me Castiel, and there has never been a fictional character I have been more thankful for.
Because of Misha I found Castiel, and I found a bit of myself. And then I found a hundred other people who loved him too, and my love grew even stronger. And I found a hundred new people to love.
I love Misha Collins because I love feeling full of love. I love feeling like with enough of love nothing is impossible, and I love that he makes me feel that.
I have never met Misha Collins, and maybe I never will—but that doesn’t really matter, because it doesn’t change anything.
You know, I always joke that Misha ruined my life, but the real truth of the matter is that he did anything but. I love Misha Collins because he’s amazing, but moreover loving him reminds me that rest of the world is amazing too.